Merry Christmas?

Christmas is hurling itself in to our lives with record speed. Didn't we just have Thanksgiving a week ago? Our family is growing exponentially with all Momma's children married, the grandchildren are mostly married, and some of them have children, spouses, and in-laws to wiggle into the holiday calendar. There never has been any wiggle room for Christmas at Momma's. My brothers and I never considered having time for more than a quick unwrap and look back with longing at new toys at our homes. It was pack up one toy and head for Grannieo and Popoo's house. I have spent 61 years honoring the Lord Jesus Christ and my momma by a command attendance on Christmas morning. This year I have been uninvited by proxy.

The whole mess started out by trying to assist momma in recognizing the fact that she was repeating herself four or five time in a single conversation. I thought by saying, "I know, you already told me that" in a sweet voice she would take note of this and go on with another topic. Not the case. I realized the error of my ways when I returned my brother's telephone call. All of our calls start the same way, "What has momma done now?" I was shocked to hear him say, "It's not momma, its daddy." Oh Lord, what had daddy done? My brother continued by saying that daddy bought some Drano. Oh Lord, he has killed momma! Again, not the case. It seems that daddy, who does NOT need cataract surgery, confused Drano with gas additive for the car, which he does not need to drive. Needless to say, the old Lincoln was no match for the Drano. My younger brother, who may have been the only one they were speaking to at the time, got the call for help. Daddy told him the car just quit running. My brother took momma and daddy home only to have daddy discover his mistake. Poor daddy. Momma, who has never made a mistake, let in to daddy like a schoolmarm. I know that you think I have digressed from my tale of woe but this is where the uninvited Christmas deal comes in to play. I told my brother that this was news to me because I hadn't called momma yet. He informed me not to call because she was mad at me for telling her she repeated herself. She was also mad at my older brother for the same crime, although I know he did not say it as sweetly as I did.

We are all now rethinking our Christmas traditions. My precious niece has volunteered her home for our big family. Poor thing, she never woke up at home on Christmas morning. This year will be a novelty for her. Her crazy father drug all their presents from Alabama, including Santa, over to Momma's every Christmas Eve. My two boys, grown men, will be off at sea working and my daughter has a new baby to go with her 12 year old son so I imagine she will appreciate the time at home.

Life can change on a dime, or a telephone call in our case. My "what has momma done lately?" telephone call revealed the fact that she had her house cleaned in preparation for Christmas! Dang, just when I thought that I would actually be able to spend Christmas with my husband. My daughter was pleased when she got the news, she said that she loved Christmas at Grannieo's. Who knew? I guess she got over momma giving her those big panties during her "chunkie" spell.