Some Things You Just Don't Talk About

There were just some things you didn’t talk about in our family. This would include sex, body functions, and all subjects that might include any mention of either of these. It is a wonder I came to be an adult without major psychological damage considering pregnancy was a taboo subject. A woman was “that way”. A miscarriage was whispered about like it was a curse on the mother, and Lord knows no one ever saw you naked after you were five. I grew up thinking that even though grandma had 9 children she only had sex on 9 occasions. My mother never had sex. I don’t know where we came from.

This leads me to the point of how in the world do you become your parent’s parent, taking them to the bathroom and bathing them? I don’t recommend this to my friends, but my parent parenting training came in the form of a home-schooled course when I married a wonderful man who left his business to take care of his invalid mother after his father died. True, he was thinking she was so frail that she would only live a few years. After fifteen years of excellent care her health has improved and he has learned how to dress her while preserving her modesty and his sanity; what type of gown is easiest to put on and take off a person with arthritic shoulders; and how to deal with all things related to the potty chair. We keep her potty chair in her room to eliminate getting the wheelchair involved in the process during the night. We get her into a sitting position by placing an arm under her shoulders and one under her knees and rotate her in one motion so her feet are on the floor. Then we use a walker that she supports her elbows on while helping her to a standing position. We then hold on to the walker while she takes steps to move to the potty chair. Remember the more they do on their own the more they will continue to do. If she quits using the walker to take those few supported steps she will not be able to continue to use the potty chair. My mother-in-law’s bedroom right off our dining room so I was highly motivated to find a way that she/we could clean her bottom. I can’t tell you how delighted I was to discover the portable bidet that sends a fresh spray of water to clean that said bottom after she used the toilet. I found the BIFFY. It is reasonably priced and well worth every penny.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness that is what I always heard. Taking care of an invalid parent brings that thought to mind often. The daily bath is not a luxury; it is a necessity if everybody wants to live comfortably in the same house. My husband installed an expensive tub with a seat that elevated and rotated. Two problems we encountered with this were one, it was installed in a 1950’s bathroom that was too small and two she couldnot lift her legs to get over the side of the tub. When we built a new house we installed a shower stall that would accommodate a tub transfer bench. The bench legs are adjustable so one side can sit on the floor and the other can sit in the shower, the bench seat rotates and slides. She can sit on the seat, turn facing the shower, and slide into the shower. Falling is one of the greatest fears of the elderly. This seat is sturdy so she does not resist using it. Now back to the naked part. My husband wisely hired a bath nurse who comes every day to bath his mother. Money well spent. She is trained to handle any situation that might arise during the bath, she can make her comply and leave without recourse during the day, and we don’t have to deal with naked.
I hope that this blog will entertain you and offer you some tips on caring for your parents. Please pass the site along to your friends and family. I look forward to hearing from you and would be pleased to pass along any thing you have learned.